But I don't like it...

Someone asked me how I interact with people who are into kinky things that I'm not into. This sort of had me puzzled. How do I interact/get along with people who have different views from me? Well, first of all, I respect their choice, even if it's not something I agree with, then I treat them like a human being - sort of like how people in the real world do. Wait - we ARE in the real world!

I don't see how interactions between people with different sexual preferences makes that much of a difference. Just like in real life, there are some things that are deal-breakers. For example, I could not be friends with a person who doesn't respect women as people. I couldn't be in a relationship with someone who smokes; that's a deal-breaker for me. However, there are some things that I don't like, but that don't affect me. For example, I might not agree with someone's political views, but for me, that's not a deal-breaker, so I can still be friends with them. It's probably not something we're going to spend lots of time discussing, so it wont make too much difference in my everyday life.

The same goes with sexual stuff. A deal breaker for me would be someone who's into practicing bestiality (you'll note that this is distinguished from fantasising or role playing - those I don't have a problem with because they can be justified under SSC). Bestiality is a deal breaker for me, because I can't justify it under SSC. I could probably justify it as safe, if you used adequate protection and didn't involve an animal who is likely to kill you, but it's not sane to me as it's illegal, and I won't do anything illegal. It's also not consensual because you have an animal who cannot consent. There are other people who can, rightly or wrongly justify it. That's on them, but for me, it's not only something outside of what I'm comfortable with, but I think it's morally wrong. I couldn't be with a person who was into it.

However, there are some things that I'm not into sexually that aren't deal-breakers, much like my politics example. I'm not into permanent marks, piercing or anything similar - it is a hard limit. However, it doesn't bother me if my partner was into that, and, although I wouldn't be on the receiving end of it, I would participate if it was important to my partner.

There are a couple of reasons that this is different to bestiality, in my mind, at least.

• Consent is a huge thing for me - an animal cannot consent, therefore, SSC does not apply. People CAN consent, sanely to body modification, even it it's not something I'm into.
• Bestiality is illegal, body modification isn't. I can't see how it could be sane to do something illegal, and I can't see how you can consent to something illegal safely.
• To me, bestiality can signal lots of other things I'm not into - it's just not something I want to get involved in.
• I can see the appeal of the control aspect of body modification, there is no appeal at all to me of practicing bestiality.

So, what's my answer to the question of how I deal with people who are into things I'm not? With respect, the same way I would deal with anyone else in life who was into things that I'm not. Sorry I don't have a magic fix-all answer, but there's no simple solution. In order to know what you don't like in others, you first have to know what you don't like for you, and what you do like, and go from there.