I am thankful for:

This weekend, my entire family is travelling from all around New Zealand for my grandmother's surprise 70th birthday.  At least, on Tuesday morning, that was the plan.  It's now turned into more of a family get-together to celebrate each other and remember those who we've lost.

I think in times like these, we need to remember the good things in life. 

Here are 10 things I'm thankful for today:

1. having such awesome friends who love me and who care about me.  These guys have been getting me through the last few days, and I really, really couldn't have done it without them.
2. my family, as always, are amazing. Thank you for making my birthday special.
3. music - music has always been important in my life, but in stressful times, I can honestly play for hours and hours and get lost in it
4. the one person who has been able to successfully forget reality for a few hours, and make me feel normal. You know who you are, and I can't thank you enough.
5. Twitter - yes, there has been a lot of misinformation, but there has also been a hell of a lot of great, positive stories that make me feel less helpless
6. the team at Catalyst and all the volunteers who have made www.eq.org.nz.  This is an invaluable resource.
7. kitteh cuddles - they will make you feel a little bit better, no matter what.
8. all of the everyday, unsung heroes who have been doing their bit.
9. the police, fire service, army, council, government and companies who are saving lives
10. all of the other countries in the world who are helping by offering manpower or money.

I'm proud of how well I've handled this so far.  I've had 3 drinks since it happened, and those three weren't all at the same time.  I've been drinking lots of water, which is good.  I haven't been hungry since the quake other than demolishing a 2l tub of ice cream, and other than a couple of bites of food here or there (and some delishous lemon meringue pie), I really haven't wanted to eat.  While it's not affecting me too much, I'm not going to worry.  I will be hungry again, and I'll eat when I'm hungry.

Usually when things happen that upset me that I can't control, I spiral out of control into a depression.  I've been very aware of that this time, and I'm doing my best to make sure that doesn't happen.  I think being on top of how I'm feeling and being honest about it is critical - I can admit to myself I'm feeling down but not allow myself do slip out of control.

To everyone else who's been struggling, it's okay.  However you're feeling is perfectly fine.  Some people aren't upset, some people work through things logically, some people just want to cry.  That's all normal.  You're much better to wear your emotions on the outside right now than trap them inside and let them fester.  Take time out for you.  Switch off the TV and the internet and go for a walk; do whatever you need to that makes you feel okay.  You're not going to feel perfect straight away, but feeling 'okay' is fine too.