Green with envy

I don’t think I’ve ever admitted this before, but sometimes, I see a thin woman and I am jealous. I look at her and think ‘wow, you must have your life together, you must make good choices, and have nice clothes, and be smart with a great family and awesome, happy friends.’ Now, I know this is ridiculous. Thin people have problems too. And thin does not equal healthy. Thin doesn’t equal happy.

I’ve spent a lot of time trying to recognise where my jealousy comes from. I’m not inherently a jealous person. I think what it is, is that I know that one day, I’m going to look just like them. The jealousy is that I HATE to wait. I’m impatient, and I want to be like them NOW, not in 18 months.

I really don’t think that my life will be perfect when I reach my goal weight. I think this is a trap that a lot of people fall into; they idolise who they will be when they’ve lost the weight and forget that happiness is the sum of many parts. They get there, and don’t feel the perfection they thought they would. This leads to depression, resentment, and they follow the same cycle to gain all that weight right back.

I know that perfection isn’t even worth aiming for. I do think that I will be happier when I’ve lost the weight because I will be able to look back on where I’ve come from, and see that making small changes over a long time does make a difference. But I will strive not to let this define me, especially while I’m taking this journey. It’s really easy to get caught up and obsessed with one thing, and it’s not healthy. People need balance.

With that in mind, let me show you my super-cute nails from the other day. This is 1 coat of black polish, 2 coats of OPI DS Coronation and black Konad stamps from plate m45. I had these on for 3 or 4 days, and they looked awesome, right to the very end.