Once, when I was younger, I tried to make friends by being who they wanted me to be. I tried to mold myself into what I thought they wanted in a friend - essentially, I tried to clone myself into them. Being young and if not innocent, stupid, I failed to realise that they had spent time with me in the first place because I was different to them. I became more and more like what I thought people wanted me to be, and, especially in 6th and 7th form, would wake up from nightmares where I looked in the mirror and didn't recognise myself.
When I started university, I tried really really hard to break that obsession with pleasing people. It's taken 4 years, but I've finally gotten to a place where I can accept that my friends like me for me, and I don't have to fit into the 'normal' box. And you know, I've realised that this quest for acceptance was ultimately in vain - everyone has a mask they wear in public, to mimic yourself off someone's mask, rather than their true identity, is even more stupid that trying to mold yourself into the person you thought they wanted you to be.
I've realised that it's okay to have my own opinions, and I can like the music that I like, rather than what my friends listen to. It's ok to watch reality TV, or to not watch it. I can do things that make ME happy, and I can say no if I don't want to go somewhere or do something. Putting myself first doesn't mean that I'm being selfish, it's being smart. How can I ever give 100% to anything else if I don't look after myself?
I often see mothers who give themselves to their children. They love them with all their hearts, and as a result, stop looking after themselves. Over time, they run out of energy, and stop having the enthusiasm to listen. Maybe they stop coming on all the school trips, or maybe they do go, and realise that they spend all their time with their children, so that they don't know any other the other mums. They realise they have become a shell of who they were and who they aspired to be. They fall asleep in front of the TV at night, and honestly believe that this is what is best for their family. What happens to those women when their children grow up? I'm not saying that parents should be putting their wants over the needs of their children, but they need to be sure not to neglect themselves.
I've been to hell and back. I've seen and experienced things that I would never wish on my worst enemy. Two of my best friends have committed suicide (spot's open, if anyone's keen?). I have been to more funerals in 21 years than most people in their lifetime. I have seen family feuds, fights, and have been through my fair share of pain. However, I have also had some truly wonderful experiences. I have a wonderful family, I have great friends. I have worked hard at uni and at sport, and have been rewarded for that.
Since I left school, I have realised that I don't need anyone to hold me up. I'm strong enough to do it myself, and I am a product of my good and bad experiences, and to wish them away or to wish them different would be to wish myself away. I love myself, and I am proud of myself. I live life with no regrets, and I won't apologize for doing that. The thing about being human is to never stop growing and to never give up.
A couple of years ago, my mum told me that she loves me for me, not because I'm her daughter. That has stuck with me. Every day, I try to be that person that is loved because I'm me; the person who is loved because who they are, not because someone has to love me. To do this, I have to surround myself with positive people who let me be who I strive to be. It has meant cutting negative people out of my life, but that's the best thing I've ever done for myself.
Here are two of my favourite quotes to leave you with:
By Christopher Morley, one of the only poets I can stand:
"There is only one success--to be able to spend your life in your own way"
And by Herbert Bayard Swope, Pulitzer Prize winner 1917:
"I cannot give you the formula for success, but I can give you the formula for failure--which is: Try to please everybody"
Look after yourself, love yourself and respect yourself. The rest will come.
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