Open Relationships

I was talking with an old friend who told me that he has an open relationship with his girlfriend of 5 years.  As I said the other day, I'm really interested in how the dynamics of how open relationships work, so it was great to be able to talk through how the dynamics of their relationship work.

They've been together for 5 years, and apparently, after about 6 months, he started sleeping with girls outside of the relationship.  Apparently, they operate on a 'don't ask, don't tell' policy, where she knows he sleeps with other girls, but doesn't want to know the details.  It sort of sounds like she's not very happy about the whole situation but just puts up with it because he doesn't want to loose him.  I don't really know enough about their individual situation to know that for sure, but that's how it came across to me.

Apparently, he usually sleeps with girls 2 - 3 times a week, with the same girl anywhere from once to years at a time.  He doesn't have a problem with sleeping with multiple 'extras' at a time; in fact, he told me that he once was sleeping with 6 girls over the same period in addition to his girlfriend.  Apparently everyone is happy with this arrangement.  From my perspective, as long as everyone has consented to it, he is being safe and getting STI checks regularly - condoms can't protect you against everything.

Somehow after talking to him, I don't quite feel that his girlfriend is happy with the idea.  He made it sound like she tolerated it, but wasn't actually happy about it.  While I'm all for the idea of full consent, I also think it's important that people take responsibility for their own actions or inaction.  If you're not happy with the way something is going or you're not happy with a relationship, let your feet do the talking, if real talking doesn't help.

I'm the last person to judge situations like this, and of course, I've only heard part of the story.  I think it's quite possible that they are both happy with their relationship.  He is obviously into her enough to want to be with her, and she clearly has a lot of trust in him to feel comfortable with him sleeping with other women.

I don't think I could be in an open relationship with a don't ask, dont tell policy.  I have a curiosity that borders on morbid; I have to know all the gory details.  It's probably not the best thing for my mental health, but I have a hunger for knowledge, so it's important to me that I hear all the tiny details.  I'm not a terribly jealous person, but I don't think I could stand not knowing.  Maybe I'd be happy not knowing who the girls were, although I think that could lead to staring at everyone walking down the street and wondering if they were the one.

I would absolutely have to have a rule that no sex with other people could happen in my house.  I'm quite private about my space, and I would feel like it was an intrusion into my private space, my little sanctuary.  To be totally honest, I'd rather not even have sex in my space, it would be good to have a sleeping bed and a sex bed.  I think it's good to keep those two things separate, although I'm not sure if or how that would work in reality.

So what about you? Could you handle an open relationship? What would your rules be?