Safe, sane, consensual

Someone asked me today why I'm a sub. They mean, of course, why, in a dom/sub sexual relationship, I am the submissive one. She said that I'm so forceful and confident in my normal life that she can't imagine me being submissive in the bedroom. It's got me thinking. Why am I a sub? What does that mean?

I've known I was submissive, sexually, for a long time. As long as I can remember, really. All of today, I've been wondering why. Maybe something in my past triggered it; maybe I've had a bad experience being sexually dominant, maybe it's a control issue and choosing to feel out of control is actually being in control. Then I sort of thought, well, who cares why? Does it make a difference to be if the cause of my submission is this or that? Does it make a difference to my partner? Will it make me change what I'm doing? The answer is, no, of course not. So why does it matter? It doesn't.

I spent the afternoon (while procrastinating doing something actually important) doing a BDSM checklist, where you can check off all the things you've done, are into or would like to try, and you can rate how into them, or not into them you are. It was a really interesting exercise; it got me thinking about things that I've done or haven't, and things that I might want to try in the future.

I used to wonder if people would think I'm strange or kinky or odd for being submissive. I now know that; a) I don't care, and b) some of the things I'm into might be more cause for thinking I'm kinky than simply being submissive. I also know that unless I choose to discuss and share it, it's no one's business but my own, and, what's more, most people are a hell of a lot more embarrassed about the idea than I am!

It's so strange to me that sex is still such a taboo. I mean, come on, it's 2011. Why are we so embarrassed by it and why is it so private? I can totally respect and understand people not wanting to share their particular preferences with the world, although, personally, I could care less. What I don't understand thought, is this weird, unwritten agreement we have with each other, where we just sort of pretend that no one has sex, and call it a day. I don't have kids, but I think this is a really really weird way to bring up children. Sex was much more open in my family; I knew that people have sex, and we spoke as a family about the pressures of sex and consequences of it. Maybe some people will blame my 'devient' sexual preferences on this openness, however, I tend to think that I have a pretty healthy attitude towards sex, and I'm glad that I had the upbringing I did.

I really think some people are way too prudish about sex. Here's a shock to you. Maybe you want to sit down for this. Kids know adults have sex. And until they grow up a bit and catch your shame, they view it as a natural thing. Why are we ashamed by our bodies, and by what we like and who we love or like enough to share that with? Why are we teaching shame to our children?